I left the meeting having seen some of Patrick’s humanity and this helped my own healing. Since then we have become friends and have spoken together publicly over 300 times. The trust between us is very deep and precious, but still requires emotional work and I see this is a key ingredient to trust building. I am grateful for all I have learnt through this dialogue and better understand the person I’m speaking with when I listen to their story.
I see it as a process: when I am hurting and I blame you, I can make you wrong and me right, therefore making you ‘less human’ than myself. This is a form of violence and it is challenging to see everyone in their full humanity. But once you commit to being restorative and empathic, the question becomes how do I challenge your behaviour without dehumanizing, while also upholding your dignity. You then talk about the impact of the behaviour and how it feels. These are the skills of restorative process, conflict transformation and many more new fields of learning. These are areas I have been studying and empowering others to take steps in.
I believe that, in order to stop the hatred in our world and the ‘othering’ that is happening, we need emotionally safe places where people can share and listen. We need support in having difficult conversations and we need to know it is possible to change from seeing someone as the enemy to seeing them as a friend.
I have faith in humanity, as we all have the same humanity, and with support we can connect to the love and compassion we share. We can all be positive change makers and create a more humane world.